call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize