I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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