turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
