I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
