32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
