what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize