I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
