the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Randomize
