dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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