if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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