How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
