he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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