i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
