what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Less talking, more tequila
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
