Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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