He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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