there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
