he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Randomize
