Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Dignity is for republicans.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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