I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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