this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
