I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
