apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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