i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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