ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
