That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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