I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
