Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
