yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
