I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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