Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
