Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize