I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
