I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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