Whatcha textin bout Willis?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
