i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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