so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
