You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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