i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
