I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
All the doctor said was why
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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