Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
