she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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