my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
