I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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