I CAN MOONWALK!
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
