I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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