I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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