This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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