my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize