Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
