my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
