So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Boobs are out for the taking
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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