I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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