he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
