My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
