So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
