I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
