It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
