things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
