i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
