ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
