I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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