i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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