That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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