I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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