I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
