so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
