'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
operation harelip BJ is a go
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
