somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
