And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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