May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
