So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
