somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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