My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
